Every marriage has its problems, which can arise at any time. The important thing is to learn to deal with it gently and before they destroy the relationship. Here are the best tips and advice for a happy and lasting marriage.
How to have a happy marriage: the best tips and advice
Whether you are an old couple or newly married, there are some basic rules to follow. It’s not always easy to put them into practice, but it’s important to do it. If you respect them, your marriage will be even stronger and you will enjoy even more the good sides of life together – pleasure, sex, trust, affection.
1. Look for love balance.
The boredom, the frustration, and the daily irritations can extinguish the flame between you and it is not by multiplying them that you will revive it. But you will do it if you focus on the good side of your relationship. Here’s how to do it:
It takes on average twenty positive remarks to compensate for the harm resulting from a single negative comment, a hard look or an impatient “hum”. Therefore, reinforce the positive and moderate the negative. Compliment your wife for her new shoes, your husband for his new blue shirt. Thank him for his involvement in housework. Call her at her office to tell her that you are thinking about her (especially, avoid discussing household chores or bad grades of children).
Make sure your compliments and thanks are sincere and specific: “I know I can always count on you to make my car safe and in perfect working order.” “This tablecloth is very pretty. You always find ways to make our house a pleasant place. “Look at your partner in the eye when you smile or compliment him. Accompany a tender gesture of a happy little sigh.
When we adopt this attitude, we realize that, in addition to knowing how to irritate his partner, we know how to make him happy. After all, that’s how the relationship started. We also discover that it is still time to express his affection. When you come home in the evening, hug him and kiss him so he knows you’re happy to see him. On a rainy Sunday morning, surprise her by bringing her a coffee in bed (and stay to chat with her). Know how to appreciate his qualities and ignore his faults. To let her know how happy you are to be with her, give her your best smile when you carry the recycling bin on the sidewalk. Make the resolution to kiss each night for a long time before going to bed. You do lots of little things for your kids;
2. Get in touch
The touch helps to release the endorphins “pure happiness” in the one who gives as in the one who receives. Walk arm in arm on the way to the grocery store. When you kiss her in the morning, caress her cheek with her fingertips. Revive these small gestures of your first moments together: little kiss behind the ear, hand passed in the hair, etc. Touch is a complex language and you would enrich your vocabulary.
In the long run, these small physical gestures will cement your love. However, a united couple can wipe out all the storms (and more easily avoid infidelities). To reinforce this bond, do not start supporting your soul mate. When external conflicts arise, keep secrets for yourself even if your co-workers are confiding. Except urgency, do not let anyone interrupt the moments you spend together. That’s what voicemail and the bedroom latch are all about.
Also, resolve to spend 30 minutes a day together to talk about everyday things, your goals, and your dreams; avoid discussing household chores or asking yourself about the meaning of your relationship. See this half-hour as a moment destined to consolidate your friendship. The results of studies indicate that the friendly bonds reinforce the love and sexual union. Save time for intimate relationships, even if you want to put them in your diary. What? Planning sex? Spontaneity is good, but if you need affection or physical love, do not wait until the ideal moment comes.
Do not wait until the opportunity lends itself to celebrating your successes. Winners of the Super Bowl, champions of the World Series, gold medalists all have one thing in common: when they win, they party. Even small victories deserve to be highlighted. If your marriage is going well, that’s a reason to celebrate. Go have dinner at the restaurant where you made your marriage proposal or plan an off-season trip to Paris. You deserved it.
3. Keep in mind that no one is perfect.
It is sometimes tempting to blame one’s spouse for the feelings of anger, disappointment, boredom or stress one has towards one’s marriage. From there to think that to improve your relationship, it is he who must change, there is only one step.
It is a mistake. When we try to change his spouse, we put him on the defensive and we find ourselves in the role of the hateful character. Race Result: Neither of them changes or takes responsibility for their actions, and both are unhappy. Not to mention that, by transforming your spouse into a villain, you ignore all that is good in him and that is the essence of his person.
The solution is to change oneself. When one recognizes one’s own faults and pays attention to the qualities of the other, the magic appears. Optimism comes back. The partner feels better because he knows he is more appreciated and less criticized. And both members of the couple find the motivation to change in order to create even more joy.
Something that could help you think like this: adopt the Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi, that is to say, the acceptance of imperfection. The next time your spouse does something you do not like, take a deep breath and whisper wabi-sabi, telling yourself that his intentions are good even if he does it wrong. Know also its qualities and name them, for example: “My wife is caring” or “my husband has humor”. Then associate with this statement a specific example: “She removed the snow on my windshield last week” or “when I’m sad, he knows how to make me laugh”.
Finally, make peace with your imperfections. Sometimes we endorse all the responsibility for what is wrong with the couple. In high doses, guilt paralyzes. Know your qualities, name them and illustrate them with examples: “I am affectionate and kind; yesterday I gave up the last cookie to leave it to my wife. “I am honest; I tell him what I really think. “
4. Put some energy into it.
Here is the classic advice that experts give to singles that are looking for the ideal partner: be yourself the ideal partner and the one you are looking for will come to you. The same goes for marriage. The happier you are, the better your marriage will be, and the better you’ll be able to deal with conflict. If 15 minutes of morning yoga, decaf or a new hobby is good for you, it will be reflected in your relationship, which will only be richer and happier.
In the meantime, recognize it: you used to take great care of your hair and always search for the sexiest lingerie item in town, but today you’re just wearing a stained sweat suit and an old, distorted t-shirt. It’s time to revamp your appearance a bit. Paint your mane, brush your teeth and put on a new dress. You will like what you see in the mirror, your eyes will shine more and your eyes will ignite your spouse. You know what you have to do next!
5. Be loyal in your arguments.
In a marriage, conflicts are normal, even healthy. It’s the way you manage them that counts. In a Florida study, 70% of long-term couples who said they were satisfied with their relationship felt that joint problem solving was a key factor; only 33% of unsatisfied couples were in control of this approach. With a good attitude and the right tools, the conflicts prepare the way for a greater intimacy: the possibility to be seen and loved for what we are, to accept, in all its beauty, the vulnerability of its spouse and strengthen the bonds of marriage, free from resentment and despair.
Above all, avoid criticism, confrontation, and animosity, which act like gas on the fire. After following 79 couples for more than 10 years, researchers at the University of California found that early divorcers argued for a long time and in a loud voice, and were always ready to attack or defend. In contrast, happy couples avoided criticism, escalation, and words such as “never” and “always”.
If a fight arises, try to change the subject, inject a dose of humor, show sympathy, or show your spouse that you appreciate it. If it’s lost, take a moment to calm yourself down.
6. Choose the right time and the right place.
Avoid difficult topics when you are tired or hungry, situations that can lead to uncomfortable remarks or black thoughts. For the same reason, do not drink alcohol during an argument. Book it instead to celebrate the return of peace.
Never discuss your marital problems if you are busy with something else. Turn off the TV or computer, hang up the phone and close your magazine. If you are distracted or have to go out, choose another time to chat. You cannot solve a conflict while doing something else.
Also, keep in mind that the way you handle these situations does not affect you. If the discussion is going to go wrong, stop it and pick it up when the kids are not around. When they are, stay respectful and effective. Studies have shown that children thrive and develop good interpersonal skills when parents solve problems constructively. Conversely, loud voices and cries of helplessness lead to insecurity and behavioral problems.
7. Open your ears.
The best thing you can do to strengthen your relationship is to talk less and listen more. Reproaches, insults, criticism, and intimidation can only lead to rupture or, at least, an internal life. When conservation becomes a battle, let your partner express their feelings. It will always be time to propose a solution or to defend you. Give your head ahead, rephrase one of his sentences, or simply signal him with a delicate “yes-yes” that you recognize the emotions behind his words. Sometimes all we need to get closer to each other is to pay attention to what he really has to say.